Last night I dreamt that I was swimming in the ocean, it was a beautiful clear ocean, I love the sea.....my husband was standing on the shore as he normally does..... I was a little afraid a healthy respect of the ocean, it was a nice sunny day and I just love to swim in the ocean, so continued to swim. I then noticed some fish middle size fish... this frightened me a bit more but they seemed non threatening..... so I continued to swim...... more and more fish came.... they seemed to have their mouths open and looked half out of the water.... I was starting to panic the more fish that I sore... and then there seemed to be snakes and eels in the water, now I was terrified and swam for the shore completely panicked...... I woke in a sweat.... afraid there were just too many fish and eels in the water.......I was out of breath and afraid..... I looked around and thought “thank God I am in my bed, it was a dream”.......
In trying to make sense of my dream, I thought is must be that I have been a busy the few months, in fact an extremely busy year; certainly ending in a big way, in many ways very difficult I have to say I am tired, and sadden by many great women being wounded and continue to be wounded all in "the best interest" of midwifery, women, life, work.....I have to ask the question is it worth it? But deep down I know it is for the sake of all women and midwives, not just one or two groups... the one’s who shout the loudest.....and care the lest for all women and midwives.
The poverty and lack of resources in most parts of Africa - the uncaring of our fellow man/woman/child......it leaves me feeling completely drained...however hopeful of progress with help and resources.... I enjoyed teaching in Singapore.... it is was worlds apart shopping on Orchard Road v Dar Es Salaam .........it really is food for thought!
A dear friend of ours, not so close these days but from the past, well thought of & loved, lost their son of 34yrs (Peter); our boys all use to play soccer together: Peter was larger than life, enjoyed life to the fullest; listening to his eulogy it was a full life packed into 34yrs, but oh so young to die & so suddenly: the memorial service was packed and there was not a dry eye, men, women and children all crying........as we sat in the Limerick Bar at Rosie O'Grady's celebrating Peter’s life " I pondered as you do on your own life" what would they say about me? I have so much more to do.... so much more to give.... so much to share.... the energy spent on nonsense is a tragedy.... I want to yell from the highest mountain...pull your heads in......get on the same page!!!!!!!
The Kids putting up the Xmas tree....
Family is most important.... letting them know how much I love and am proud of them, watching the grandchildren grow up and being able to influence that growth....sharing the passion of life...teaching them to reach for their dreams and passions......everything is possible.....not to get bogged in the minutia of bullshit......listen to your inner voice and you will know what are the correct things to do in life.... that is really one of the most important lessons..... That is to trust your own judgement...... listen to and trust your inner judgement..... then follow that ...... you can’t go wrong........
It is times like these I like to go back to a favourite poem of mine Desiderata:
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence. .......... Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.......... Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery....... Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.......... Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy