Today I attended the funeral of a 27 year old colleague who was a former graduate of mine with whom I had developed a professional relationship with over a period of time. I feel extremely saddened and completely perplexed by the whole ordeal. There were family, friends, acquaintances and work mates present and there was not a dry eye in the place.....everyone enmeshed within their own feelings of grief & saddness.
Her father gave his eulogy starting with "No parent should see there children die first" How true is this? as a mother & step mother of 6 children and 7 grandchildren I pray to see them grow up healthy, independent, happy and able to contribute to society in a meaningful way.... I certainly want to die before them and God forbid I should have to do what this man had to do today...
As a parent you raise your children and hopefully give them the tools and skills to deal with the issues of life, you get them through the teenage years with all the trials and tribulations , the tears, tantrums, laughter & joys and then they are deemed adults..... now they make their own life decisions with maybe your guidance or not.... then you step back and watch... this at times can be very painful.... because you cannot stop the mistakes they make..... just as my mother could not stop me... it was my lessons to learn. You can only be there as the shoulder of support. However this does not stop it from hurting or being painful.... because you love them so dearly you want their life to be perfect or less painful.
Such a young life gone....for what.... for making the wrong choice at the time....her father went on to say " as you lay on the foot of my bed sharing your day talking to me... then kissing me on the forehead as you left for work....I had no idea that I would never see you again". His pain was palpable.... it broke my heart... I tried to put myself in his shoes just for a moment and the pain was too much.....How tragic... as a parent you do your best... but sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees.... her mother had passed away a year ago and.........Grief can be so debilitating and depression can be so desperate & bleak that you are unable to make the right choices....it is so hard to know why things happen and we may never know the answers.... but hopefully some lessons will be learned.
For me as a parent I pray never to have to bury my children or grandchildren and that when it is my time to die that my children will accept my passing and celebrate the life I lived and move on with their own lives finding comfort in their strenghs and resilience, knowing that i will always be in their hearts.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote that "you will not grow if everything is perfect. But pain is a gift with its own purpose".
Life is a responsibility...hopefully we make choices based on what is in our hearts as the right thing to do....life is full of choices we just have to know which one to make.........
I am thankful for the lovely companionship of a dear friend after the service.... sitting in the coffee shop.....dissecting the funeral, chewing the fat.... solving the worlds problems... laughing, crying...laughing.... and finally I don't feel so bad that my office is complete chaos and I have not managed to clean it up....after she described her sewing room...I was laughing so much I felt better...I think my office is not too bad..... thank you my friend.....friendships are so important...
Depression is a serious illness, it is not just about low moods, or just feeling sad or stressed....that happens to us some of the time... it is about not being able to function as you used to....not being able to sleep at night....increased drugs or alcohol.. a complete list can be found on the Beyondblue site...if you know someone who may need some help guide them to seek some help even if it is taking the first step of looking at the site and doing the Interactive Depression checklist... its simple and they can do it themselves... then guide them to seek help. Depression is no different to having a serious heart condition, diabetes or hypertension.... it needs treatment... so that people are enabled to make the right choices.....
